Aging Parents and Adult Children Living Together? Talk Before You Pack
Are you considering moving in with your adult children? Are you thinking about having your aging parent(s) move into your home? Whatever your reason, you can expect that some intergenerational households will work well, but others are filled with tension. Moving in together can work, but success is greater when everyone pays attention is paid to each others’ autonomy and where certain things are negotiated beforehand: Respect Autonomy Seniors have been making their own decisions for a long time. Asking them to give up this independence can create feelings of tension and disrespect – even when the adult child is trying, out of love, to help the parent stay safe and healthy. To the senior, it can feel like the adult child is dictating to them how to live their lives. Negotiate Important Matters If you are considering living together, ask these questions of yourself and discuss them with each other. Why do you want to live together? Is this the best choice for all concerned? Have you evaluated other options: home care, assisted living or a personal care home? Do family relationships allow you to communicate openly and discuss mutual concerns? Have you enjoyed extended periods of time together before? Can you have a “trial” period? Where grandchildren are present, who will be responsible for discipline? How will you provide privacy for each generation? How will household chores be divided? What are the financial issues involved? How long might this living arrangement last? What will you do if the arrangement is not working? Are the parent’s health concerns escalating? Will more care be required? Do adult children have career commitments, health problems or other issues that may affect their ability to cope? How will the adult child have respite and holidays? Who else will help? Whatever reasons may prompt you to decide to share a home, your family can enjoy the mutual respect, support and contributions of each generation. But please: Talk before you pack! Vol.2, No.10; © ElderWise Inc. 2006 You have permission to reprint this or any other ElderWise INFO articles, provided you reproduce it in its entirety, acknowledge our copyright, and include the following statement: Originally published by ElderWise Inc. We provide clear, concise and practical directions for Canadians with aging parents. Visit us at http://elderwise.memwebs.com and subscribe to our FREE e-newsletter. ...
Read MoreA Surprise Call From The Hospital
John’s aging parent, Mary, 90, lives in another province. One day, he gets the call he has long dreaded: his mother has fallen, broken her wrist, and has been taken by ambulance to the hospital. She has had surgery and her arm is in a cast. Is she ready to go home? Not so fast. John is told that his mother is showing signs of mild cognitive impairment and that the discharge planner wants an assessment. John must call the doctor for more information. John manages to talk to the doctor later that day. He learns that Mary is doing very well physically, but the doctor is concerned about the possibility of dementia and has referred her to the Geriatric Team. John asks if he should take time off work and come. The doctor advises him to wait a few days until the outcome of the assessment. During the next few days, John calls the hospital for updates. He talks to: the Registered Nurse on the unit; the Head Nurse on the unit; the Relief Nurse on shift; and the Discharge Planner. John is confused. Some of these professionals believe that Mary has signs of dementia while others are not sure. The discharge planner is concerned that Mary may not be safe to return home; John worries, because Mom has refused previous attempts to talk about moving to assisted living. Later, John hears from the Geriatric Case Manager that, for now, they have not confirmed dementia. His mother had delirium because of the injury, pain, unfamiliar environment and anxiety. Mary is moved to a transition unit. Soon after, Mary calls John to tell him that she is discharged and will get home care. John wonders if she will accept strangers coming into her house because she has refused previous offers of household help. John takes a week’s vacation time and goes to help his mother. During his time there, he meets: the community care (home care) coordinator; the home care nurse; a home health aide; the transition coordinator; the geriatric case manager; and an occupational therapist. Collectively, they offer the following advice: Arrange for Meals on Wheels Make changes for safety at home: get a bathroom grab bar; remove scatter rugs; add a night light; get Mary an emergency response system Mary should accept home care services for help with bathing John should get Power of Attorney to look after Mary’s finances Mary should write a Personal Health Care Directive John is told that they will follow-up to monitor his mother’s safety at home. If she is not safe, the team will encourage her to move into assisted living. John returns home and stays in daily phone contact with his mother. Contacting the health care professionals is difficult, given time zone differences and work schedules. They encourage him to talk to his mother so she can keep him up to date. But John senses that Mary is avoiding detailed questions. He assumes that she wants to appear to be doing well so that she can stay at home instead of living in a care home. Who am I supposed to talk to? How do I reconcile different opinions from the various professionals? Why is the medical team so guarded about what to tell me? When should I go help my mother – right away or when she is discharged? Will I have enough warning to arrange vacation time and travel? Why is Mom moving to another unit in the hospital? What is her diagnosis? What will she need from now on? On the medical team, who is responsible for what? Why are so many people involved? John finds out...
Read MoreHome Care for Canada’s Elderly
What is Home Care? Home care helps elderly people remain in their own homes, helps reduce hospital admissions, and may allow earlier discharge from hospitals. Home care is appropriate if you need help from registered nurses, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, and social workers, or if you need personal care provided by home health aides. Who provides Home Care? Both public and private sectors offer home and community care services. Public services are funded and managed by the local health authority. Eligibility depends on a professional’s assessment of your specific needs, your existing supports, and local community resources. Many people are surprised when they learn that public funding for home care is available for limited hours and only for very specific types of support. That’s where private home care providers can help, with a variety of services, from personal care to visiting and companionship, from housekeeping to help with transportation. Some are non-profit organizations; others are businesses. Expect variety in types of services offered, staff qualifications, and costs. Seniors who want to stay in their home often mix different types of services, both public and private. When home care is no longer a viable option, you need to understand higher levels of care available for the elderly. Care homes, including assisted living and long term care, exist to serve different levels of care. Further reading: Long Term Care Planning Long Term Care Terminology Understanding “Assisted Living” Vol.3, No.11 © ElderWise Inc. 2007-2011. You have permission to reprint this or any other ElderWise INFO article, provided you reproduce it in its entirety, acknowledge our copyright, and include the following statement: Originally published by ElderWise Publishing, a division of ElderWise Inc. We provide clear, concise and practical direction to Canadians with aging parents. Visit us at http://elderwise.memwebs.com/ and subscribe to our FREE e-newsletter. ...
Read MoreServices for Aging Parents at a Distance
You and your aging parents are cities or provinces apart. Your dad has early dementia and lives at home with your mom. You’ve agreed as a family that your elderly parents need help at home. Mom agrees - now where do you look? First, know what type of service you want and the terminology to use when searching. Adult day care programs are offered in the community to provide social activities and health or medical care. The individual might attend one to five days a week. Home care or community care programs are offered to help people remain in their own homes, reduce admission to hospital or long-term care, and to allow earlier discharge from hospital. These services are offered through public and private agencies. Public programs are managed by local health authorities and vary across the provinces. Private services are offered by for-profit agencies and fees/services vary across the specific agency. Respite care is temporary support, given to provide relief to the family. If Mom is taking care of Dad at home and needs a break, you will want to find respite, or relief services. Generally, these programs are offered by the local health authority or through voluntary or private companies. Start your search with terms like “home health care” in your parents’ city/town, as well as “seniors services” by province or municipality. Vol. 3, No. 9, © ElderWise Inc. 2007-2013. You have permission to reprint this or any other ElderWise INFO article, provided you reproduce it in its entirety, acknowledge our copyright, and include the following statement: Originally published by ElderWise. Canada’ go-to place for “age-smart” planning. Visit us at http://elderwise.memwebs.com/ and subscribe to our FREE e-newsletter....
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